How to be more understanding in a relationship? How does couple counselling or therapy help?

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In any relationship, first and foremost important criteria is to understand each other. This trait permits partners to transparent in front of each other and also put forwards their honest point of view without fear of being judged. To be in an understanding relationship few factors are imperative, and they are:

  • ✓ Being completely Mindful during Conversations
    Proper conversation is doorway of any relationship. In relationship, it is imperative that you listen to your partner, be completely present during conversations, pay attention. Spending quality time with partner and having clear one to one communication is one of primary steps towards developing proper understanding.
  • ✓ Giving space in relationship
    Being an understanding partner means recognizing that your relationship is not the centre of the universe – and it goes the same with your significant other. In other words, don’t force your partner to make your relationship their number one priority – and this includes giving them the freedom to just live and have fun, even if you’re not around.
  • ✓ Respecting Other Significant in Your Partner’s Life
    It’s important to understand that partner will have other significant people in their life. Respecting those significant others and letting them pursue that personal social goals is vital for a healthy couple relationship.
  • ✓ Putting Oneself in Their Partner’s Shoe
    Trying to develop empathy and putting him/herself in their partner’s shoe can be beneficial for a relationship.
  • ✓ Less criticism, more understanding
    When someone critiques and complains, they inadvertently put their partner on the defensive. Rather than criticising one’s partner, trying to understand is important. Use dialogues like “I would like to know why you took this decision” rather than “why did you do that?
  • ✓ Understand One is not always Right
    Being an understanding partner means listening to what the other person has to say. One is not always right and most of the time, trying to prove their view, ideas and judgements are reason for conflict.
  • ✓ Compromising in relationship
    In relationship related conflicts, it is important to remember that they are not enemies, but partners who have to work towards common goal. It is important to find a common ground and choosing to agree to disagree, instead of pointing out over and over again that one is wrong in the conversation.
  • ✓ Delaying reaction and waiting for explanation
    When you think that your partner did something that made you feel angry, upset or disappointed, give them a chance to explain. Hear their side of the story and don’t be quick on your judgment. Sometimes, people in a relationship tend to choose anger and react to damaging emotional outbursts before actually talking to their partner
  • ✓ Encourage partner to share his/her thoughts and feelings
    One can encourage their partners to be more open especially about the things that can directly or indirectly affect your relationship. Not everyone knows how to put their ideas and feelings into words, and with little encouragement, they can blossom in a relationship.

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Sometimes conflict goes out of hand and then we need external help to sort out issues and make it better. Couple counselling is the specialised stream allocated for resolving conflicts between couples. Couple counsellors are trained psychologists possessing a degree or diploma in the stream. They not only try to the resolve issues at hand, but also analyse the cause behind it. The main indicators for counselling are: frequent arguments, silent relationships, physical violence, divorce /separation talks, lack of motivation to come back home, extra-marital relationships, suicidal threats or thoughts.

In couple counselling, counsellor give a safe space where couple can communicate with each other. Counsellor tries to understand the difficulties couple facing while communicating. The most common communication difficulties are -
  • ✓ not communicating due to the fear of rejection or general discomfort with the other member
  • ✓ excessive criticism by one or both the partners
  • ✓ lack of communication from the fear that things will get worse if you delve deeper
  • ✓ expecting partner to be a mind reader
  • ✓ Giving different meanings to something simple
  • ✓ Too busy to find time for communicating
  • ✓ Lack of common interest

In a session, the communication pattern between couples are analysed and then the appropriate solution is provided. Couple counselling also works on important domains like boundary setting, perspective taking, giving individual space, being non-judgemental. Couple Counselling nurtures and protects one of this country’s most precious asset - FAMILY. It is never too early or too late for beginning of a relationship counselling. There is no shame in asking for help if we and any of our close ones are suffering. Ignore the stigma; be open, be honest, be prepared.

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