Conflicts between couples. Can this be solved with the help of a couple's counsellor?
Diya and Raj went to college together. dream girl not only beautiful but also very talented and passionate about all she did in college. Raj was an angry young man but was equally loved by everybody in the college. both of them were assets to the institute they studied in and would be part of all the competitions and festivals in the college. in the course of time become best friends and gradually fell in love with each other. everybody in the college envied them thinking that they were an ideal couple and shared amazing chemistry. The time moved ahead and the teenager’s love was converted into marriage.
Both of them were extremely happy in the marriage also were climbing their steps of progress in their respective careers but as the honeymoon period was over they realized that their lives have become monotonous and the company they used to enjoy the most is now probably not stimulating to each other. They had started wondering what was happening. They are living the life they had always dreamed of yet they could experience any spark.
Most of the couples share similar experiences after they have spent some amount of time together. And they reach to the conclusion that the chemistry they once shared is now lost. What needs to understood that “the chemistry” between couple changes. We don’t have butterflies in stomach every day after we see our partner. But that also doesn’t mean we don’t love our partner. Love evolves and chemistry keeps getting stronger. Of course that nowhere means that if you have spent more time together you would have great chemistry, well, you may or may not! If so, then what does a great chemistry look like?
Chemistry between couple can be simply explained as emotional connection two people can experience in each other’s company, where they continue to feel positive and better, irrespective of time, place and age. When we experience shared purpose in life, when we inspire each other to chase their dreams and escalate the imagination, when we experience the personal growth through the relationship yet be emotionally independent we know that we share a great bond. And yes, Physical attraction and intimacy surely plays a significant role in it.
Also read: Couple counselling in Mumbai
Then why does this once formed great chemistry fades away? Not getting of what we want from the relationship, differences of opinions and the way we perceive it, emotional disturbances about these differences and blaming each other instead of fixing the problem takes away the entire charm of the relationship. If so, what are the red flags we need to be aware of? Let’s have a look at some of the myths about the relationships (with great chemistry)
1. Romantic love lasts forever: as mentioned earlier, love evolves and it may not look the same as it was “at the first sight”. It evolves. Over the period of time, we may feel more concern about our partner than infatuation and yet it’s a form of love.
2. My partner should and will understand: well, mind reading is imaginary skill and any normal human being doesn’t possess it. We need to communicate our wants and wishes verbally and clearly for our partner to understand it.
3. My partner (only) can make me fell worthy: being emotionally co-dependent is in fact unhealthy. Your partner may wish to support you but may not know how to help you to get over your unhealthy feelings.
4. We will always be on same side: well, as a matter of fact, we will not be. Its nor required for both the partners to be on the same side always for the relationship to survive.
5. I will always be forgiven: our partner is an independent human being. He/she can feel different than you in the same situation. If we have hurt them, abused them then they may choose to protect themselves and not to forgive you.
6. Love = Great Physical Intimacy and vice versa: physical intimacy and love are independent of each other. Many couples express their love in the form of physical intimacy and that’s one of the many ways of expressing love. We have mentioned earlier that it is important aspect of relationship, but there are many conditions or situations where physical intimacy may not be spontaneous or as one’s imagination. Yet the love in the relationship can exist.
7. Approval is equal to love: My partner must approve of my actions if he claims to love me. We can love our partner for the kind of person she/ he is yet not approve her/ his behaviour. And the same applies to us. Our partner may not approve our behaviour and may still continue to love us.
8. It will all be the same always: Well, as Heraclitus has said,” Change is the only constant in life.” And the beauty lies in witnessing that change, the growth together. We may also fall apart, gather our pieces individually and decide to stop there. But we need to accept that it will not always be the same.
It is also a fact that it’s all easy to read in theory but we are often clueless how can it be achieved? A mental health professional can play an important role when you are unable to figure it out all by yourself.
A Mental health professional or relationship Counsellor can help you to set a realistic, individual as well as mutually agreeable goal. The counsellor helps you to reflect on individual’s actions, give objective overview of their behaviours and help with coping strategies. A mental health professional doesn’t force partners to reconcile over conflicts but to help them reach their respective goals.
It’s important to understand that healthy functioning relationship is not one person’s job or responsibility. A relationship is a unit and both the partners have to contribute to sail through. Honesty, respect for each other and for values we follow as an individual, supporting each other in challenging times and to achieve their goals help to nourish the chemistry of the relationship. A Couple’s Counsellor can surely help to navigate but its ultimately the partnerswho need to row the boat.
Looking for couples therapy / relationship counselor in Mumbai?
1/155, 15, Nyaymurti Sitaram
Patkar Marg, Khareghat
Colony, Hughes Road,
Mumbai - 400 007.
+91 22 2385 6228,
+91 97028 00044