Signs That Your Relationship is Unhealthy. Seek help from a couples therapist or couple counsellor.

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Most couples suffer in an unhealthy or more commonly used term ‘toxic’ relationship. Though couples can display unhealthy behaviour in a relationship from time to time. It's important to identify these unhealthy behaviours and learn the healthy alternatives. 

If you think your relationship is turning toxic it’s important to seek psychological consultation or couples counselling. 

Check out my guide to identify signs of unhealthy behaviour in your relationship:

  1. Possessiveness - It is often misunderstood for love, which later can turn into a burden for both the partners to bear. You want to go everywhere with your person, be with them all the time, but out of your own choice rather than compulsion. While jealousy is a normal human emotion, it is important to not control your partner with it.
  2. Drained out - Being a constant giver in a relationship with a taker can be exhausting. Always attending to your partner's needs without having your own needs met can make you lose yourself.
  3. Screaming Matches - When every disagreement turns into a fight. Conflict and difference in opinion is common between any two individuals. A small argument turns into screaming, belittling and name calling. At the end of it, you feel unheard and misunderstood. 
  4. Friends and Family - Your friends and family don’t like them and warn you about them. You have to hide things about your partner from your close ones. So that they don’t judge your partner. And your partner keeps you away from your friends and family.
  5. Abusive - When we think about abuse our mind immediately rushes to violence and abusive words. While those are major ‘No’ in a relationship. We tend to ignore other abusive behaviours like name calling, belittling, threatening and bullying which commonly occur in toxic relationships.
  6. Gut Feeling - When you just know that it's time to call quits and leave. Something just doesn’t feel right about the relationship or the person. You have tried breaking up before also but still somehow end back with them. 
  7. Insecurity - Being insecure about yourself and projecting them on your partner as their flaws. Or scaring your partner to lengths of making them feel insecure about themselves can be extremely toxic in a relationship. In such times it's important to take mental health counselling to remove insecurities.
  8. Lies and Deception - Lying and deception can seem convenient at first, till the truth comes out and shakes the base of most relationships which is ‘trust’. After which you can find it difficult to trust one another with anything.
  9. Lonely - You can feel lonely with them or because they are never around. But you have lost the connection you once had. You feel single in your heart and the only thing that keeps you from it is the ‘relationship’ tag.
  10. Blame Game - Whose fault is it? Because if it’s not my fault then I’m not responsible. Feeling blamed or having to constantly defend yourself rather than feeling understood and forgiven can be the outcome of this game.
  11. Push and Pull - Your partner is neither completely in nor out, just keeping you hanging with the hopes and promises of the future. Every time things start to feel serious they grow cold or distant and every time you feel like you are done they become their best self again. Leaving you Confused!
  12. Power Struggle - We all want to be in control and sometimes we struggle being in control of the relationship. In the world of equality, who will be on the top can still pose a challenge for most couples. This often leads to feelings of resentment and sabotage towards each other.
  13. Past baggage - Getting into a new relationship while you still haven’t taken care of your past issues. Still missing or texting an Ex lover or having doubts because of your past experiences, can be unjustified for your current relationship.

When to seek Couple Counselling?

If you notice even one of the signs from the above, you can approach a nearby mental health counsellor or seek online counselling. You can also seek initial consultation in case you are in doubt. 

Why fix what's not broken! It’s a myth to seek couple counselling only when the relationship is on the brink of breaking. Couples could seek counselling at any time in the relationship to make a healthy and nurturing relationship to grow into. Couples counselling provides a safe space for couples to resolve their conflict and highlight the key strengths in their relationship, which is unique to each couple. 

Couple counselling can be taken even if the relationship is a few months old or a few years old. Most happy couples having few difficulties feel that things are not so serious enough to take couple counselling. Which is a common misunderstanding. Couple Counselling also helps resolve early conflict to make a relationship healthier. 

If you are stuck having the same fight over and over again, couple counselling can give you a fresh perspective. It helps you gain insight and understanding towards your partner. Not fighting at all can also be a sign of emotionally cutting off your partner. In such cases couples counselling can help reignite the lost love. 

In any case, Both the partners should be willing to invest time and effort into the relationship to make it work.

Also read,

How to be more understanding in a relationship? How does couple counselling or couple therapy help?

Is it possible to fix and abusive relationship through couple counselling? Find the best couple counsellor in Mumbai.

Quality time- The balance between “ME” & “WE”. How couples therapy work at Mpower Kolkata.

Avantika Naidu
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