Impact of Childhood Trauma On Marriage

Childhood trauma on marriage

You feel a severe dissociation whenever you hear people talk of their childhood on school days with nostalgia and joy. All you can do is keep quiet and feel like an alien without a sense of belonging. You can never relate to people joyously talking about their childhood and the feeling of carefreeness and fearlessness.

Trauma , especially throughout childhood, can have major long-term repercussions on your mental health . Your vision of the world around you and of yourself blurs, making it frequently challenging to tell what is right from wrong. Children learn a lot from their environment as they grow up, and if they endure physical or emotional abuse , it can harm their mental health. Over time, the abuse takes the form of unhealthy interpersonal interactions, which ultimately devastate their lives.

Abuse against children

Abuse can begin at any stage of life. Even if the child is under five years old, they may experience physical or violent abuse from their parents or another person they interact with frequently. Most often, violent parents who struggle with mental illness or anger problems physically abuse their kids whenever they feel like it. Verbal abuse against children includes swearing, shouting impolitely, and using extremely hurtful language.

These occurrences cause the child to lose any sense of attachment and regard for relationships with others. Since humans are social creatures, they must form connections and relationships with other people in order to thrive. There is no room for improvement if the attachment itself jumps out the window. For them, the inability to establish an emotional connection makes it difficult to communicate with others.

So what should you do?

For the building of a foundation of love, trust, security, and understanding, secure attachment is essential. Every time you take a step back, it encourages you to move forward. Your present and future experiences are dependent on how attached you are to other people, but if this bond never develops due to severe childhood trauma, it can have disastrous effects. Your capacity for attachment declines significantly. You will not be able to establish a secure relationship if the physical and emotional abusers are particularly your parent

The healing process can begin for many abuse victims with a fundamental comprehension of how childhood trauma affects adult life and interpersonal relationships . This knowledge aids in the growth of the compassion and self-awareness necessary for your recovery process.

Trust and emotional intelligence

Trust and emotional intelligence are two important areas where adult relationships are impacted by childhood trauma.

Any healthy interpersonal relationship must be built on trust in order to flourish. However, if you were abused as a child, it will have damaged your ability to trust people. As a result, you could find it difficult or uncomfortable, to be honest, and upfront with others for fear that they would hurt you or turn on you.

The capacity to recognise and control your own emotions as well as those of others in various contexts is known as emotional intelligence (EQ). The key here is awareness and emotional control. Empathy, emotional self-awareness , the capacity to explain how you feel, the capacity to pause before reacting, and accountability are a few instances of how EQ shows up in relationships. If you went through childhood trauma, you can find it challenging to learn one or more EQ abilities.

Interaction with people

People who experienced childhood trauma report having less satisfying relationships and more insecure attachments, according to research. What, though, is attachment? The attachment theory examines how you interact with people to create or prevent intimacy. According to the hypothesis, there are four primary attachment styles:

Secure :

Being secure makes it easier to build close, trustworthy relationships with others. You don't shy away from intimacy, but you also don't rely solely on another person.

Anxious :

If you have this attachment style, you likely have a strong fear of abandonment and a near-constant need for validation. You can also think your partner doesn't care about you enough often.

Dismissive-Avoidant :

If you have this attachment style, you probably struggle with a fear of emotional intimacy . You can become cautious around people or develop mistrust for your partners as a result of this phobia. Other people can perceive you as emotionally unavailable if you have this style.

Fearful-Avoidant :

You may desire love and attention from important people in your life if you have this attachment type, but you may also shy away from emotional connection. Although you need attention and love, you typically shy away from forming serious romantic connections.

For trauma survivors and their partners, self-care is crucial. A few tips below can help.

  1. Couples counselling may help to heal them.
  2. Have a strong support structure in place for both of you individually and in the relationship.
  3. Making time for loved ones and close friends who are supportive of your partnership and who respect you both.
  4. Recruit a trauma-informed therapist to assist you as a couple or an individual in your search to comprehend one another better.
  5. Look for alternatives outside of therapy, such as support groups or other activities of a similar nature.

Working hard on communication is necessary to develop a strong relationship with a trauma victim. Dealing with relationship problems might make someone who has experienced trauma more afraid and perhaps bring up flashbacks.

As their awareness of trauma deepens, couples can restore calm and offer comfort by learning how to regulate communication.

Recognise when to slow down or back off as emotions intensify by keeping an eye on yourself. Practice mindfulness to become more aware and to identify your individual triggers. Childhood wounds require thoughtful, persistent work to heal. However, it is possible to repair old wounds. Repairing severe wounds requires finding a therapist who can see and understand the hurt that the victim has been carrying alone for so long.

The more we understand how trauma affects people, the more we are able to support individuals who have been affected by it in moving beyond merely surviving and into the healing security of stronger, more meaningful connections.

Image credits: Freepik

Simrran D
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