The Intersection of Identity In Relationship: How Individual Therapy Can Help

Intimate relationships such as marriage sometimes play an integral part in one’s life. Sometimes, some of us give so much to and in the relationship that we tend to lose the sense of having independent identity. When after a point one realises that she/he has lost the sense of identity in the whole process the conflict begins and usually turns into quite an unhealthy pattern/dynamic of the relationship.

Hence let's look at what might be the reasons for one losing his/her sense of identity.

• In the initial days of the relationship it's a very natural feeling of wanting to spend every moment with your partner.
• Spending time on relationships solely and less on oneself leads to codependency in the relationship.
• Such codependency either comes from or leads to poor self esteem where one starts questioning his/her identity.
• The most important factor that affects one’s sense of self is when they rely completely on their partner to feel worthy. They hold the idea that ‘My partner (only) can make me feel worthy’.
• They seek validation from their partner and not being confident about their own decisions/choices.

When such a codependency develops where feelings of self worth are also affected, it reflects in everyday incidences in different behaviours.

So, how do you know that you are loosing your sense of identity in a relationship?

Let’s discuss some of the signs that you might be losing your sense of identity in a relationship.

So, how to overcome from this identity crisis?

When you have lost your identity in a relationship and start being dysfunctional for yourself It's a high time you start seeking individual therapy as well couples/marriage therapy . Below are some tips for how you can protect your sense of identity in a relationship.

1. Socialise more -

Continue with your social circle and activities which you used to be a part of and enjoy before you met your partner. Many of us tend to withdraw from our socialising activities. We tend to meet our friends less and give more and more time to our partner as we wish to spend more time with each other with our new found love. But we need to remember that these relationships with your friends contributed a lot in your personal elements and made YOU the person you are today and your partner fell in love with.

2. Prioritise your needs -

Prioritising your needs is a key. Needs that keep you healthy physically, mentally, socially, professionally and spiritually

3. Be assertive -

Learning to be assertive and the art of saying “No”. Sacrificing yourself has not given you anything in return. If you refuse to sacrifice your happiness and prioritise your needs, you are giving a message that you are an independent person and deserve to be treated like one.

4. Learn to establish boundaries -

What your partner can interfere in and what he/she can not interfere with. While doing so you also respect your partner’s boundaries, establishing the fact that you both have independent identities and your worth is not dependent on your partner’s approval.

5. Focus on personal development -

Focusing on your personal Development and projects that define you as a person outside the relationship is going to contribute a lot in your personal development.

6. Protect your best version -

Remember that your partner fell in love with your version before you both met. Protecting that version keeps charisma around you.

While you are working on your relationship its not always a cake walk as your partner is not habituated to you building your identity. That may lead to some conflicts and you doubting yourself again.

• It's a good idea to approach mental health care services for individual therapy when you are planning to rebuild your identity
• Individual Therapy can help you to deal with insecure feelings and build your self esteem .
• Individual therapy also gives you a lense to look at your version before the relationship, and your worth can be much more than you perceive in the relationship.
• It helps you to gain the strength to rebuild the social network if you have lost it already.
• Individual therapy is the space where you learn to establish boundaries
• It’s a space where you prioritise your wellbeing, your mental health along with your physical health.

Protecting your sense of identity in relationships, that can actually help your relationship to grow.