Valentine's Day Blues. Looking for Couple Counselling?
With V Day just around the corner love is on everybody's mind. The love that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy. But Valentines can be a tough time for both singles and couples and a source of anxiety. For couples, it's a testing time for their love where they don't want to be disappointed or disappoint their “boo”. For singles, it's either the longing to have someone to spend this day with or the feeling of being left out and alone around so much love.
Most men work very hard to create a picture-perfect fairy-tale moment for their woman to make them feel special. For some couples, valentine’s day brings out the fundamental conflict of their relationship that already exists in their relationship but for some lucky ones it highlights the strength and bond in their relationship. But even with the luckiest couple, their love is on display on Valentine.
Valentine's day is a time where couples are put to the test to prove their love and affection more so in the age of social media where everyone's life is on constant display and comparison. Imagine scrolling through the Newsfeed endlessly, every other post is about valentines be it memes or couple pictures or advertisements for projects, even travel blogs showing places covered in red roses.
Over time there has been an unrealistic expectation built around Valentine's Day. What started as the day to make your loved one feel special has turned into an extravagant show of love.
Now let's talk about people who are alone or in a complicated situation
on 14th February. Singles feel more judged for being singles on
valentine’s day. They feel they don't fit in the world of twos. They
try to skip that day by staying cooped-up in their house.
Singles tend to have this feeling of resentment towards people who have valentines.
This day also reminds them that they have not achieved any relationship milestones, making them feel low about self to the level of depression.
For couples who have recently broken up it's the most difficult time. As they miss their ex and they are still not over them.
Single women on valentine’s day suffer from low self-esteem. Seeing other women receive gifts and love makes them feel invalidated.
Most couples facing problems in their relationships don't know how to deal with this time of the year. Somewhere in January and early February a lot of people start dating or falling in love, not knowing whether what they have is for real or it is valentine's fever that got them together. Love is anyways tricky and it becomes more so around this time of the year. But still, the comfort of having someone around valentines is all we could ask for.
You can’t escape love on valentine’s, you see hearts everywhere you go. Even your normal chores like getting a coffee or grocery shopping will be filled with valentine’s special hearts.
Valentine's which is meant to be a time of love hence becomes a time of anxiety, fear, and depression for many. You can seek counselling in case you are feeling the blues. Whether you are single or in a relationship, valentine can be a happy magical memory. It is okay to feel anxious but also important to reach out for help to make this time easier.
Tips to make your Valentine Magical -
For couples -
- Notice - everyone leaves signs like bread crumbs on what they want and what they like. It is important to make notes of the likes and dislikes for times like Valentine where all this information can then be used to make your boo feel special.
- Communicate - It is okay to talk about your plans and improvise. Most people get stuck on the idea of surprising and one person having to put in all the effort behind it. Surprises are amazing but it's also okay to improvise or even plan together. You can also help your partner out by telling them what you want to do for valentine’s day.
- Reality check - Everyone posts their most happy moment as the picture of perfection. But things are not always as it seems. It is important to set expectations that can be met by our partner. Setting an unrealistic expectation can only cause heartaches.
- Take Efforts - Valentines may have become more of a commercial event these days but it can also be an opportunity to make your partner feel special. So, get out there and put in some hard work to make it happen, even small efforts count like making a dinner reservation, wearing your best clothes, and buying flowers.
- Share the burden - If you are going through a financial crisis and if valentines plan is going to be too heavy on your pocket you can talk it out with your partner and go dutch. Don't let money matter come between love.
Singles Edition -
- Celebrate Love - Though Valentine’s Day is often associated with celebration of romantic love, we can always celebrate the love that we do have in our lives. The love of our parents, siblings, children, friends, and most importantly self-love. Pamper yourself with a spa day or family dinner. You can still do all the romantic things with people in your life.
- Party - Yes, it’s extremely cliche but it works like a charm. Host a singles party to forget the blues and it also serves as a meeting ground for all singles.
- Best friend V-day - Many celebrate their valentines with their besties same-sex or opposite. And sometimes it's more fun, you can do all the couple activities and have fun.
- Skip it - If you still feel it will be too much for you to see other couples in love. You can choose to skip it. Stay off social media and romantic joints. Order your food in, wear your cute PJs, and Netflix marathons.
- Spoil yourself - Buy yourself flowers and gifts and whatever you like. You know that one gift that you have always wanted but none of your ex-lovers could ever get it right, but you can now buy it.
There is no reason why we can’t have the most picture-perfect valentine if we want to. And if that is making you anxious it's important to reach out for help to seek counselling .
Signs that your relationship is unhealthy. Seek help from a couples
therapist or couple counsellor.
How to be more understanding in a relationship? How does couple counselling
or therapy help?