Recoiling Relationships Bonds

Recoiling Relationships Bonds

Every couple internally tries to, at some point, chase the ‘ideal’ relationship, often seen all over social media. Whereas the reality tells us that couples often face a decline in the spark, attraction and intimacy with time. Insecure attachment styles, health issues, involvement of external individuals, ego, arrogance, anger, greed, financial instability, jealousy, poor communication skills, poor problem solving skills, and the influence of other family members can have a significant impact on the thoughts, emotions and behaviours of the individuals in a relationship.

Also read: Identifying toxic traits in your significant other

Partners are often seen attempting strategies to recognize and reconcile troublesome differences and repeating patterns of distress within the relationship. Emotions are often suppressed through the history of the relationship, which become the source of the dimming light. Individuals usually lose the capacity to focus on the 'here and now' and the tolerance curve is seen dropping. Most relationships are seen failing to function optimally and produce self-reinforcing, maladaptive patterns, psychologically known as ‘negative interaction cycles’. Below are a few strategies, if used mindfully, can help a great deal in reinstating spark and recoiling the bonds in any couple’s relationship:

  • Take equal responsibility for being mindful of the problems in the relationship, and of your own contribution to it.
  • Acknowledge that each individual is different, has a unique personality, has varied opinions, set of values and history, and may have different institutional, social, and religious beliefs.
  • Reorient your perceptions and emotions including how you look at or responds to situations. Adopt conscious, structural changes to your inter-personal relationship and evaluate the effectiveness of those changes over time.
  • Accept the fact that there is a certain degree of 'interdependence' in your relationship, which means that you as well as your partner are mutually dependent on each other. Foster a secure attachment style and maintain a sense of intimacy. Change the way you view and perceive the relationship.
  • Spend time trying to mirror and reflect on difficulties in the relationship and on the potential ways changes and improvements can be made. Empower the relationship to take control of its own destiny and make vital decisions.
  • Improve your communication style by trying to facilitate a shift in your interaction patterns.
  • Identify the repetitive, negative interaction cycle as a pattern to understand the source of reactive emotions that drive the pattern. Expand and re-organize key emotional responses in the relationship.
  • Indulge in different and varied activities with your partner to create new and positively bonding emotional events in the relationship.
  • Maintain respect and empathy in the relationship.
  • Use your skills and tact to create uniqueness in the relationship. Identify your own methods of de-escalation of unhelpful conflicts by developing realistic and practical solutions.
  • Never underestimate the value and importance of consent and confidentiality.
  • Give your best efforts to reconcile your relationship.


Maintaining a relationship and being happy in it is almost like a full-time job. The more efforts are put in, the better it will yield. Even after attempting to follow the above strategies, you find yourself hooked to the same square, always remember to seek professional assistance.

Author
Janvi Doshi Sutaria
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