From Panic to Purpose

Dear All

I am Avani. I am an Anaesthetist myself, and I with the team of two Laparoscopic sugeons (my best friend and my husband) have performed many Laparoscopic Gall Bladder removal surgeries over the last 25 years and without much ado and much complications. I used to think that other than some known simple complications of the surgery which we have read and seen over the years it was the simplest of procedures like removing the appendix and that's just how I went in as a patient with full faith and trust in God, Universe and ofcourse on my doctors, finally when I landed up with the Gall bladder stones and decided to have the surgery for the removal of my Gall bladder.

The procedure went on just fine and I was fine the next day and we came back home and I was eating walking and pooping well for the next 3 days when suddenly I had some discomfort and pain and bloating and I thought I had eaten something that didn't suit my tummy.

and I was screaming and arching and could not explain what was happening to my husband. We rushed to the Emergency room of one of the closest tertiary hospital and my journey with pain began. After a series of tests which showed nothing much I came back to our nursing home and after many episodes of excruciating pain and tons of pain killers which was not helping much I got admitted in the tertiary hospital again and got an MRI done the next day and we had to do an emergency stent procedure under anaesthesia because there was some Bile leak and collection which was causing the excruciating pain. It was noticed that I had some duct which was not in its usual position and I fell into the rare case scenario and I had a thermal injury which caused the leak. Ideally this should and would have solved the problem BUT it didn't and I continued to be in pain and after more investigations and another MRI I was shifted to another hospital and one more procedure to drain the bile out of my body was done under CT scan guidance and then more CT scans and more procedures and more surgeries and ICU admissions and finally after 25 days of going up and down on a rollercoaster ride of being fine and not fine, I was finally discharged with two drains (pipe like tubings) coming out of my abdomen and one line coming out of my neck to give intravenous antibiotics and pain killers because all my veins were fired on both the hands.

The purpose of my writing the above in so much details was to emphasise that anyone can be hit by a sudden curveball whether you are the most seasoned player or a spectator in the match. In my 25 years of professional history as an Anaesthetist never have I heard of anyone undergoing so many surgeries after a normal gallbladder removal surgery (Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy) and it was labelled as VIP SYNDROME, just to make it sound funny and light.

Now, how was I enduring all this when it was all happening? That's a question anyone would ask since I have seen it all and know it all, we all know that doctors are the worst patients, but I can proudly say that I handled my journey with pain with outmost strength, resilience and joy and not once did I complain or question the universe or myself 'why and what is happening to me?'

Infact, all through I asked myself, 'What is it trying to show me? What is the pain trying to teach me? What does it want me to learn? Was It happening to me or for me?'

We were supposed to go to Dubai and Abu Dhabi on a family vacation with our son, 'What was it trying to stop us from?'These questions would have unnerved me at any other time of life but fortunately I was in a better space emotionally and psychologically since I had the opportunity to work and heal on my past and had just completed an Advance Certificate Course on Trauma Healing . Healing and Strength doesn't come from ignoring what you feel but by coming to terms with it.

When the Mind is weak,
the situation is a problem.
When the Mind is balanced,
the situation is a challenge.
When the Mind is strong,
the situation becomes an opportunity.

Most people think and feel traumatized by such traumatic incidents.We feel trauma and the wounds it causes is our foe but I feel trauma like this was my friend coz it showed me something that was not healed in me .My trauma showed up in a physical form but its roots are some deep-seated emotional , psycological,mental ,relational,and or even inherited generational trauma.

And unless I heal this trauma on a holistic level it will keep showing up in my relationship,career,self worth issues,Financial ,people pleasing behaviour, difficulty in dealing with setting boundaries ,repaeating patterns of co dependency,etc.

Healing is a journey and not a end point to be reached.Its not a linear path and it's not a personal act but a collective action and when we are in awareness of the above we have already started our journey towards making pain our portal for transformation and change and Acceptance of Who we are

Dr Avani R Punjabi.
MD,DA
Tulip Women's Health Care Centre.